I’m feeling a strong desire to write about a different aspect of health today. The aspect of healthy relationships. Not the type of relationships between family members or friends. The relationships between a man and a woman. A healthy emotional, sexual and respectful bond.
About seven months ago I was in the midst of one of the happiest times in my life! I had just met the man of my dreams who I fell madly in love with! My business was booming with my coaching clients and VIP clients flying in for retreats. My relationship with my family had never been better and EVERYONE was telling me “You’re GLOWING Andrea!!!
That glow was because I was being loved…and loved well!
Its no secret that biologically speaking men are very different from women. They are driven hormonally to want sex and to have it immediatly! In a loving mutually beneficial relationship this demanding drive in men can be a very good and healthy thing”! Women have a different chemical/ hormonal brain and physiological response to sex then men do. MUCH DIFFERENT! A woman’s chemical response in her brain makes her become emotionally connected to a man once intercourse has taken place. You hear women speak of this often in conversations with other women. Generally the conversation goes something like this…”I didn’t even like him but once I slept with him something happened, I’m so in love now”! Nine times out of ten a woman will likely form an emotional bond to a man especially during the act of orgasm. Although I don’t want to frighten any of you men out there….its a known fact that the majority of women are picking out china patterns after they’ve slept with you a handful of times!
Its a known fact that women have a different chemical and hormonal brain response to sex then their male counterparts do. A woman is wired differently than a man! It really is that simple! I’m not saying by any means that men don’t get emotionally attached to a woman or that men don’t fall in love. What I’m saying is that it takes a bit longer for men to feel this bond and a level of respect and loyalty from the woman must be displayed before this can happen.
In a perfect world, the man will be motivated to treat his woman in loving ways even if she is only there for a short sector of time along his journey. In turn a man will gain some rewards beyond merely sexual pleasure or a less than one minute orgasm. He will get a woman with an oxy~tocin GLOW who feels loving, emotionally connected, and jumps for joy when near him!
Gentleman…please when you have sex with a woman, know that she is emotionally bonding to you! Treat her as if she matters to you and not just in those few minutes of time. This goes far beyond pleasing her orally or having SAFE sex with her! It means calling her the next day and not playing screwed up mind games of “push~pull (see below)! You see this woman is SO much more than a hot body to screw. She’s an actual feeling human being! She is always aware that she is connecting with you emotionally and this is far more than just sex to her!
Look guys, its difficult enough for her to know she is at risk of pregnancy or getting a sexual disease ever time she opens her heart (essentially her legs) to you! She is also taking the risk of becoming HIGHLY connected to you on a spiritual level called “bonding”! If you should choose to break that bond in a sudden surprising bad way she will only be stressed out after being with you! Do this repeatedly and she becomes ill on a physical level! Once the depression kicks in for her, so does the feeding her pain through the ice creme she has stashed in the freezer!
LADIES…Its YOUR responsibility to say NO! Make the guy wait a few months! Feel him out so to speak. You may find after a month of “hanging out” your not interested!
MEN…What’s the point of taking all these risks for her just to”get you off”?Do you want an emotionally wounded woman calling you at all hours of the night just to ask “why”?
1) Don’t be a crumb taker!
There is an old saying that goes something like this, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them”! Never settle for crumbs. What are crumbs? Crumbs are verbal abuse, lies, cheating, belittling, physical abuse, disrespectful partners, emotionally dead partners, loveless relationships or disappearing acts that will always rob you from your peace of mind!
Know that you deserve ALL the love that this World has to offer no matter where you are along your path! You will never earn the respect or be the one your partner swoons over if you don’t have enough respect for yourself to walk away when you are treated poorly!
2) Awaken your Soul as you let go of thy ego!
The soul is the one thing that bridges the gap between Spirit and the ego! What does the soul mean to me? The soul is conscious loving of oneself and conscious giving to others expecting NOTHING in return! The ego is not speaking, living or acting out your truth in order to appear a certain way in the eyes of others! Once you fully awaken your soul strength and clarity arise! Your values switch over and upward onto a more conscious level. You live a life of love. And, you create soul connections with others along with soul moments instead of ego~ic “me me me stories” to compete with others.
3) Learn to love without grasping the other person so tightly!
Ahhh we are hitting an “ego moment” for me on this one! I have always made the men in my life show up in LARGER than life ways to win my affections and love. Once I feel safe with them I love them full throttle (pun intended)! I care about their health, I become the “best sexual experience they ever have” I shower them with poetic sweet nothings and public displays of affection! Having said all of that, if they display ANY sign of not honoring, respecting or not loving me, I grip…tightly!
People such as myself who are “grippers” when the going gets rough have not mastered their own egos! Sure we are humble, kind and loving. Generally however there is a part of us that is wounded. The majority of us (myself included) have severe abandonment issues. We lost someone of authority very young and never had the chance to grieve. Or we had an authority figure that struggled with addiction and we never healed. Whatever the case may be its impressive that we recognize this “grasping” behavior in ourselves and work on it. We will never have a fully loving care free relationship unless we do. Be mindful of all the little ways your ego stops you from experiencing true love in your life! The ego is always about gripping onto something you fear will leave you. It feeds upon your fear and encourages a constant feeling of lack.
4) Learn how to effectively deal with stress!
As your ego becomes filled increasingly with Spirit through consciousness and love, you shift your identity increasingly to “JUST BEING” or “BEING IN THE MOMENT”! You will find that no matter how much emotional stress you are under your spirit or he who lives within all of us will ALWAYS guide you into simply being with self!
Its important to note that any form of vanishing at or during these stressful times with no word given to your partner before hand is NOT trust building! If you are in the midst of a circus type of relationship where your partner repeatedly “runs off” or disappears into the oblivion leaving you to wonder about his or her whereabouts or even worse, about their safety when alone, it is your job to get out NOW! You are not putting all of this effort into something to be a crumb taker my friends! Time to pull out the book on self love and self respect and get to reminiscing those days when you still had some!
5) Take Time to Re-align your calendar!
You see this all the time! Boy meets girl, boy chases girl, girl stops hanging out with her friends, doing yoga, getting her cute little hair blow outs and generally neglecting herself. Boy is suddenly onto the next or off in “disappearance land”!
This one is VERY simple! Keep a calendar and write down something to do for yourself DAILY! Yes I said daily my little love sick health nuts! This could be soaking in an epsom salt bath to meeting your girlfriends after work for a yoga class. It all counts towards brownie points that are dropped into your “self~care love tank”!
6) Grow up and stop the endless push~pull cycle!
Us ladies just love this one…don’t we? He calls you ten times per day, you return every fifth call! He brings you flowers every other date you say thank you but never reciprocate with a single card for his efforts. He plans AMAZING dates for you but you still talk to two other men on the phone “just incase” it doesn’t work out with him. Then suddenly you find yourself falling in love with him (oh “smit”)! You begin to call him at the office to ask him about his day. At first he loves this then, his secretary tells you he’s at lunch (at 4:30). You wait by the phone dreaming of where he s going to take you this weekend and the call is so last minute you cannot even pull an outfit together/heck he’s stopped planning anything at all! At this point its a struggle to even go to the movies with him. You have incredible sex then he is breaking your heart that very night saying “this just isn’t going to work”!
You feel confused, heart broken and your self esteem is in dumps~ville! You cannot focus on work, on yourself heck you can’t even get a green juice down! ATTENTION ALL LADIES AND MEN~ welcome to push~pull “I only want you when you don’t want me land”! This is a HUGE indicator of a commitment phobic who is VERY wounded! It doesn’t mean that he or she isn’t a good person. It just means you should run for the hills and pray for their recovery! See (don’t be a crumb taker above)!
This is never a healthy scenario for either person! Your heart ends up in the gutter making it virtually impossible for you to move forward with anyone else. The other person is feeding off of you chasing them when they choose to disappear! Basically, your feeding a drug addict if you continue in this manner!
7) Take care of yourself!
Several studies have been done that prove men are not looking for “a perfect 10″! They want a woman with confidence however! Keep yourself nice ladies. You know what I mean! Take pride in being a woman! Get your weekly non toxic mani and pedi! Go get your hair done once in a while for a little boost! Dress in up to date clothing always keeping your own personal style!
Men, stay well groomed! Shower after the gym! Keep your car nice inside so she doesn’t have to move a pile of papers and lint brushes as she goes to sit down! Buy a tongue scraper! Hit the gym! I’m not saying you have to show up as Brad Pitt but pull it together for her. It shows you care about the relationship!
So whats the moral of this story?
For the men… The next time you see a beautiful woman walking down the street who is literally GLOWING know that she is being loved and loved well! If you don’t treat her respectfully, carefully, lovingly, and responsibly don’t be suprised when she displays the gripping, annoying argumentative habits of “your ex”. Or…the last woman you failed to recognize as a diamond solitaire that needed dusting off!
A good woman can only go for so long without hearing the words “I love you” before she stops loving herself. Remind her often!
Once you create a connection biologically know that there will be a connection emotionally. Love responsibly and work on taming that ego in the mean time!
For the women…Crumbs are to be left in the trash can! Desire a happy life? Take responsibility for your own!